Who am I and what is this all about?

Welcome to my first blog. Seeing as I’ve never written one before but have read several, I’m going assume that I should use the first blog to explain what it is you might find in this thing. I’ll start with telling you a little about myself.

I am a mom who, on a daily basis, cannot believe she is a mom. My son, Thor, will be four in February and it still feels unreal. I mean, shouldn’t there be some sort of class you’re required to take before you’re allowed to breed? I’m still flabbergasted with the fact that I never had to sign anything before egg and sperm met that faithful day/afternoon/evening (who can remember these things?). After nine months of womb rental, out squirted a real-live, screaming, squirming, eating and pooping human blob that the hospital trusted me to take home and raise. I’ve kept him alive this long which is in and of itself amazing, seeing as I’ve killed every plant I’ve ever touched. (Thankfully the hospital didn’t know my track record in the botany world, though I’m not sure it would have mattered.)

I am a wife who, on a daily basis, is assured that her husband is totally insane. Brian forever shocks those around with various perversions and absurdities that pour from his lips. We met while working for a home improvement warehouse. On my second day of employment, my co-worker asked me if I had been introduced to Brian yet. I had met so many people that I couldn’t remember. My co-worker let me know that if I’d met him, I would know. She warned me that he was disgusting and that I shouldn’t take anything he said seriously. I knew instantly that this was the man for me. We’ve been married for seven years now and whenever I have new friends over for dinner, I find myself warning them in much the same way that my co-worker did all those years ago.

I guess the first part of this blog covered the Life and Love aspects of the title…what’s left? OH YES! POOP! I will start by saying that I am forever in the headspace of a 13-year-old boy. I love fart jokes, talking graphically about bodily functions and giving WAY too much information about any number of topics. I’ll talk about my son’s poop, my poop, your poop, the poop I saw in the yard before I walked to my front door. (I’m convinced there is a squirrel bestowing gifty-pellets as some sort of homage to my awesomeness or there is a tiny hobo living in the man hole leaving gifty-pellets for the same reason. Either way, I’ve got tiny piles of crap in my front yard and they are fair game for discussion)

So this has been a rather lengthy description of what you’re in for as you delve into this crazy blog about Life, Love and Poop. I’m not going to make any promises to update daily, weekly or even monthly. I’ll just do the best I can with the things that happen around me. If you think about it, life, love and poop are things that happen EVERY day so I should have plenty of material to work with.